positiveparagraphs (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
positiveparagraphs) wrote2024-06-30 02:49 pm
positiveparagraphs) wrote2024-06-30 02:49 pm
Sunday 30th June.
It’s been three weeks since last post, because I’m finding it hard to find positivity in anything for a while. Even during a week’s holiday in my favourite place with some of my favourite people, I spent a lot of time feeling tearful and bleak. I’m sure this was partly to do with the weather, which was relentlessly cold and windy, but I know there was more to it than that. Since I got home a week ago, it’s been a really struggle, reaching crisis point on Thursday and yesterday.
Even over this incredibly difficult weekend, there have been bright spots: an incredibly kind and unexpected gesture from a friend. Other friends making plans with me, including dinner at a favourite pub this evening. Cuddles from my dog. My ex going out of his way to be around for me when I was panicking. My boss completing a piece of work for me because she knew I was overwhelmed. Sunshine and warm weather. That last one has been something of a mixed blessing, because I haven’t felt up to making the most of it and I’ve felt like I have no one to enjoy it with, but better to be warm and miserable than cold and miserable, if you ask me.
In trying to find a way forward, I ended up calling the NHS 24 mental health crisis line yesterday, and they will give my GP a prod to try and speed up the psychiatric referral that was supposedly made in March. There must be a way to get better.
Even over this incredibly difficult weekend, there have been bright spots: an incredibly kind and unexpected gesture from a friend. Other friends making plans with me, including dinner at a favourite pub this evening. Cuddles from my dog. My ex going out of his way to be around for me when I was panicking. My boss completing a piece of work for me because she knew I was overwhelmed. Sunshine and warm weather. That last one has been something of a mixed blessing, because I haven’t felt up to making the most of it and I’ve felt like I have no one to enjoy it with, but better to be warm and miserable than cold and miserable, if you ask me.
In trying to find a way forward, I ended up calling the NHS 24 mental health crisis line yesterday, and they will give my GP a prod to try and speed up the psychiatric referral that was supposedly made in March. There must be a way to get better.